Wammy's House!
by SabakuNoRikka
Summary: When Mello, Near, L, and Matt were very young, they became orphans taken in by Watari. Watari has an orphanage full of other interesting people and adventures to be had! One thing's for sure, there's never a dull moment at home in Wammy's House!
1. New Faces

**A/N:** Before you read Wammy's House!, there are some things you should know.

1. I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. I do not make money from writing. I do it for fun.

2. You don't need to read each chapter in order. In fact, this is the only chapter I'd like you to read first and foremost. After that, go ahead and pick any chapter that sparks your interest. They're usually not dependent on previous chapters. You'll be able to get most of the fun out of every chapter individually without needing to know a full background. If you do, however, need to know a previous chapter in some cases, such as chapters where I introduce new characters, I'll mention the necessary chapter in an author's note before the chapter begins. That of course means, that the chapters don't progress in chronological order necessarily.

3. I will not guarantee that all info and ages are correct. There are some things I will stretch to make the story more interesting. I'll try not to change things too much.

4. Mello is a BOY.

And now, without further ado, I present:

**Wammy's House!**

_I was just little, six years old, when I lived back in the B&W Complex. It burned down, and both of my parents died. I was left alone to take care of myself._

"Mello, what are you, a girl? Stop writing in that journal." Near watched Mello intently from the sofa across the room.

Mello growled. _Did I mention that stupid head lived in the B&W Complex, too? Well, he did. The same thing happened to him. He lost his parents too. He never left me alone. He'd follow me everywhere after that. He's so annoying! Well, it wasn't too long after we had both been stranded on the streets that some old guy named named Watari came and picked us up and brought us back to his orphanage. That's where the adventures all began._

* * *

Watari unlocked the front door and let Mello and Near inside.

A young boy, but still a good two years older than Mello and three than Near, showed up at the door when Watari arrived. He seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Are these the two you talked about, Watari?" The boy's wide, intriguing eyes focused on the two.

Watari nodded. "Yes, L. You volunteered to give them a tour, right?"

L smiled at the boys. "Come with me, I'll show you what it's like to be at Wammy's House." He led the way.

Near watched all the other children in the orphanage interact. Some were playing cops and robbers, some played chess or other mind-boggling games, and there were two distinct groups of children over by the television. They appeared to be arguing. Near tapped on L's shoulder. "What are they fighting about over there?"

L shrugged. "Usually they fight about who gets the TV. One group wants it for video games and the other group wants it for cartoons. I wouldn't get involved. They get pretty nasty, and if Watari catches you being mean to other kids you have to sit in the corner." L pointed to the corner. The boy's corner smelled funny. It had one yellow chair that had been decorated with rainbows, flowers, and hearts. An evil aura surrounded it.

"Are you sure that's the boy's corner?" Mello raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," L pointed to the opposite corner, "that's the girl's corner." Aside from the horrendously empty wall and hideous pink chair, nothing seemed wrong with it. It even looked like it sparkled.

Mello folded his arms. "Why do they get such a perfect corner??"

L whispered, "The girls NEVER get caught. They frame us boys. It sucks. No one goes over there so nothing's wrong with it."

The tour continued. "Here's the bathroom. Boys and girls share. So don't take forever in it." L kept walking. "Here's the kitchen, we don't go in there. We go in the dining room instead." L pointed to the next room full of picnic tables. "Over here is the toy room. Always put your toys back, or Watari gets angry. If you wanna keep a toy to yourself..." L looked from side to side and leaned in, "...hide it under your bed. He never looks there."

At the end of the hall, L stopped. "Uh oh... A dead end... Looks like we're lost."

Mello's eyes grew wide. "Lost? LOST?? We're gonna die!! It's such a big house!! We'll never make it out alive!!" Keep in mind that Mello wasn't used to big houses. He'd lived in an apartment his whole life.

"Relax, I was kidding." L tapped on the floor twice. A shady little boy opened up a secret door in the floor and let the three boys in.

The room was filled with all sorts of high-tech gadgetry, lots of it made from tinker-toys and electronic toys that were obviously part of the toy room at one point. "This is the SPK, the Squad for the Protection of our Kin. We monitor the girls' activities from here and try to thwart any scheme they come up with before our fellow boys end up in the corner. All boys are welcome here, unless they tell the girls where it is." L called out to one of the boys sitting at a surprisingly well built computer. "What's the status?"

The boy called back, "No sign of female plotting, sir! Code: Green, sir!"

Near was astonished that L received such recognition. "Wow, he calls you "sir"? You must be pretty special around here."

L scratched his leg with his foot. "Not really. He calls everyone "sir". It's very annoying actually."

"I noticed you guys are new, sir! Welcome to Wammy's House and the SPK, sir!"

Near sighed. "That is kind of annoying."

L helped the two boys out of the hole in the floor and off to their rooms. "I dunno if there's anything else to show you, really. But I was busy building a sugar cube tower, so I'm gonna go do that. This is your room, Mello." L pointed at a room labeled "B2". "And this is your room, Near." L pointed at the next room over labeled "B3". He waved and headed off to the dining room.

Near stared at Mello.

"Don't look at me like that. You know what, don't look at me at all." Mello entered his room and went to find the bed labeled "Mello".

Near shrugged and decided to see just what the toy room was made of.

* * *

**A/N: **So?? What do you think?? I hope to have a new chapter up soon. Comments and suggestions for chapters are appreciated! Don't worry though, I have a large bank of ideas already, so the story will continue without suggestions, but that doesn't mean I won't read them!


	2. Breaking the Gamer

**Incident Two: Breaking the Gamer**

Mello was bored with just laying around. After checking out his new room, he went to go look around the house on his own. Exiting the room, he ran into a little boy with goggles and his head lost in a game.

The boy looked up from his GameBoy. "Yo." He looked back down and walked over to his bed.

Mello read the plaque on his his bed. It said "Matt." Mello waved. "Hey Matt, where'd you get that game thing?"

"Watari gave it to me so I wouldn't keep hogging the TV. Pretty sweet, eh?" Matt grinned and kept playing. "I'd let you play, but I don't wanna."

Mello scoffed. "Whatever." He walked down the hall. "I'll get him to share eventually..."

"No you won't." L popped a sugar cube into his mouth. "Matt is very attached to his video games."

Mello turned around. "W-Where did you come from...?"

L shrugged. "I've been here the whole time. You just didn't notice." He placed another sugar cube on his tongue. "Matt is also very smart. You'd need to be pretty smart to trick him into giving it to you."

Mello folded his arms. "I am smart! And Near's pretty smart too." He mumbled, "I guess..." Looking back up at L, he threatened, "I'll get Near to help me, and we'll see if we can't take that game from him!" He ran off, pretty enthusiastic.

"It might be fun to see how this turns out. I think I'll monitor them from the SPK headquarters." And with that, L was off to the hole in the floor.

Near was building two opposing sides of soldiers from the toys he'd been provided with. "Go away, Mello. I'm busy having fun."

"You know what would be even more fun?" Mello persuaded him, "A GameMan..."

Near sighed. "I always knew I was smarter than you, Mello. It's GameBOY, not man. All the same..." He aligned the toys up perfectly, "...I have been wanting to get my hands on one... Just to see what it's like I suppose. Where do you intend to get a GameBoy?"

Mello accentuated his words with his hands. "That video game boy, Matt I think, has one. But we have to be really sneaky to trick him into putting it down so we can take it and try it for ourselves!"

Near rolled his eyes. "I don't want to trick anyone. I'm not going to help you with this. I will, however, come up with my own plan to test out that GameBoy..." He performed calculations in his head.

Mello threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! If no one wants to help me, I'll just have to do it myself... " He trudged off.

* * *

Mello observed Matt from his own bed. Matt was too busy to notice he was being stared at. _Hmm..._ He thought to himself, _I wonder if he puts it down to go to the bathroom..._ Mello watched Matt over his shoulder. "Matt? Is there anything I can get you to drink?"

Matt, still lost in his game, his view never faltering, answered, "Yeah. Watari keeps all the soda in the fridge in the kitchen. I like Coca Cola." He brushed him away.

Mello smirked and headed off to the kitchen. "I've got him now..." Wait, wasn't he not supposed to be in the kitchen...? He grabbed a Coca Cola out of the fridge. _Easy as pie..._ As he turned around, it was right then he noticed the three, gigantic, rabid German Shepards staring him in the eyes. "Uh... I was... Just getting a soda!!" He sped out of the kitchen, shaking up the soda accidentally in the process. He returned to Matt out of breath.

Matt took the soda from him and opened it. He didn't care that it was overflowing unto his dresser (he was drinking from a straw, by the way). Within seconds, he finished it up. "That was great. Bring me another one?"

And so, the process continued: Mello running to the kitchen, getting a soda, avoiding the dogs, running back; it went on for about an hour, until finally...

"Man, I have to pee." Matt stood up, taking his game off to the bathroom.

Mello collapsed. "How does he...? With one hand...? Oh nevermind... I need a new plan..." He pondered for a moment... "Maybe Watari would take it away if he got in trouble!" Quickly, before Matt returned, Mello messed up Matt's bed, throwing pillows, blankets and the like everywhere. Matt came back and laid on the bed anyway, but when Watari passed by, he was disappointed.

"Matt, I thought you knew to keep your bed tidy... I'm afraid I'll have to put you in the corner..." Watari grabbed Matt's hand and brought him to the corner. He confiscated the game and brought it back to his own room and locked the door.

Mello grinned a sinister grin while Matt sobbed in the corner. "I'll get to play that game now..." He headed off to Watari's room and tried opening the door, but to no avail. Duh, it was locked. Mello picked up a hairpin conveniently laying on the floor and lockpicked the door. He laughed, but wouldn't be laughing for long, because after he opened the door...

"How'd you German Shepards get in here? Gyahh, you're everywhere!!" He slammed the door and headed back to his own room, defeated.

"I can't think of anything else to try... And now that it's in Watari's room, what can I do?"

* * *

Once Matt had served his punishment, he returned to the room and pointed at Mello. "You jerk, why'd you get me thrown in the corner??"

Mello looked up at him. "Where's your GameBoy?"

Matt sighed. "I let that Near kid use it."

Mello was astonished and annoyed all at the same time. "Why??"

"Because he asked."

Near was playing the game. "Hey L, thanks for your help. Who knew that Matt would be so nice?"

L beamed. "Me. Because I'm smart too."

And with that, Mello growled, "You may have won this time, Near, but-"

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** Sorry, Mello. You don't get to finish.

* * *

"-Curse you, SabakuNoRikka!" He sneered.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** Bwahaha.


	3. WWI: Wammy War One

**A/N:** Okay, welcome to the 3rd chapter! This chapter has a bit more violence, but no serious harming, so I still think it's fitting of the K+ rating. I'm just warning you in advance. I plan to make more Wammy Wars, but the next chapter probably won't be a "Wammy War" chapter. Don't worry, this story will end just fine without leaving you on the edge of your seat for the next Wammy War. It's a story in its entirety. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

**Incident Three: WWI: Wammy War One**

"Sir! He needs medical attention now, sir! He's pale as a ghost, sir!" Near was rushed into SPK headquarters.

"Spark, he's always pale." L took a bite of his cake. "What happened to him, anyway?"

"Dunno, sir. I found him passed out in the hall, just in front of the toy room, sir. The door was locked, sir. I couldn't get in, sir."

"Spark, run the camera program in the toy room. In the meantime, somebody console Near."

Near shook his head. "They tied me up and blindfolded me. Then, they threw me into the hall. All I could hear was their giggling."

"My god!" L gasped at the sight on the monitor. Near fainted. Toy soldiers and action figures were dressed up in formal wear. Formal GIRL wear. The evil girls were taking away the manliness of the toys and making them have tea parties. L stood up (straight for once) with his fist in the air. "The females have declared WAR!! We'll show them not to mess with our dirty, male minds!"

All the boys cheered in unison, "Yeah!"

Near found the strength to get up and further incited them. "They've invaded our space, defiled our treasures, and robbed us of all that is good-"

"Except sweets," L interrupted quietly.

"-so let's show them what happens when you make enemies with us! Prepare yourselves! Are you boys or are you... uh... boys!!"

The squad suited up for battle. They grabbed pots and bowls and strapped them to their heads. They raided the SPK emergency supply closets, pulling out squirt guns, hand made bow-and-arrows, water balloon grenades, and Matt's self-constructed VGLC-NT-DS, or "Video Game Laser Cannon (Non Terminal) Nintendo DS Edition." It's specially crafted to hook up to his video game system and shoot laser blasts. Well, at least it's supposed to. He hasn't gotten it to work yet. Their spirit rose as they applied war paints (well, fingerpaints) and tied bandannas around their foreheads. Some of the higher-ups of the SPK even had special prototype armor, made out of cardboard that had been soaked so that if may mold to the shape of one's body, and reinforced with paper maché. L's armor was black; he had a white headband, and the letter L written in warpaint on both of his cheeks.

"Men, we've been training for this day... Let me go over our battle plan once more...."

* * *

Night slowly came. The girls, content with themselves, decided to go lay down. Here is where the espionage began.

Matt and his force waited behind the couch. He counted down with his fingers.

Three...

Two...

One...

"Now!" He shouted. His squad jumped up and fired their arrows from their makeshift bows. The girls were bombarded with pencils, forks, all of the arrows they had crafted. They weren't, however, subject to the lasers from Matt's cannon, which he still couldn't get to work. "Kyaa, you piece of junk!"

The girls screamed and ran to their bedrooms, shutting the door and sitting down on their beds. Little did they know, the boys had been there, too.

"The beds are all wet!!" It was the water balloon grenades. Near had been in charge of that task.

"Those nasty boys... We'll show them..." The girls raided their drawers, grabbing all sorts of female undergarments and hiding them in their little female purses. After this, they headed off to the boys' rooms.

L's squad was positioned in the boys' rooms. They prepared for the oncoming girl-onslaught, squirt guns in hand. The girls opened the doors to all three rooms at the same time. Instantaneously, they were soaked with squirt guns. The girls truly were sly creatures. They pulled out all the undergarments, and started to cry. Even L, with all of his brains, was confused.

Watari, hearing the cries of every girl in the house, came running. "What's the meaning of all this?"

Luna, the leader of the girls, answered, "The meanie boys took all of our panties!!" She sobbed. "And when we came to get them back, they soaked us with water! They even soaked all of our beds!" She hid behind Watari's leg. "I don't even know why they'd be so mean... None of us even have places to sleep tonight because of the wet beds..."

Watari sighed. "Boys, I'm very disappointed in all of you... To make up for what you did, you all need to sleep in the girls' beds tonight so that they can have yours... And Matt, you don't get any video games..."

It was right about now that Matt was very angry with himself for coming to see what was going on. Watari confiscated the game and gave it to one of the girls. "Noooo!!!" He cried all the way to the damp beds.

Near grumbled. "You may have won the battle, girls, but you haven't won the war..."

Watari shrugged. "The only one that doesn't have to be punished is Mello, because I haven't seen him involved in any of this. I haven't really seen him at all today."

L rubbed his chin and whispered, "Where is Mello, anyway...?"

Muffled cries could be heard from the toy chest where Mello was tied up and bound, wearing a pretty pink dress with a matching crown and ruby red lipstick. "Help me guys... Get me out of here... Somebody... Anybody?.... Hello...?"


	4. Sleepless Nights

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews and favorites, it really makes me happy~!

**Incident Four: Sleepless Nights**

Maybe something was wrong with the beds. Maybe something was wrong with the boys. Whatever the case, none of the Wammy boys could sleep. Of course, Matt was always up all night playing his video games anyway.

One of the younger boys, a four-year-old (his name is Michael, but no one really cares. Well, except Mello who says the name is dangerously close to his own), asked for someone to tell him a story. Some of the best readers stepped forward.

L was up first. "The events in this story are real. No fictional stuff." He pulled out a report possibly sixty pages long and cleared his throat. "The effects of Global Warming on today's society are outnumbered only by the ounces of water in every ocean, which is growing continuously at present due to the melting of the polar ice caps, which is yet another effect in itself of this horrible process." He took a breath. Wait, that whole thing was only **ONE** sentence?? "Global Warming is caused by-"

"L, stop, or you'll put everyone else to sleep, too," Mello interrupted.

L looked around. Everyone except Michael and the storytellers was asleep. "But... The youth of today needs to know about the world's problems..."

Mello rolled his eyes." The penguins die, so the polar bears die, and blah blah blah... My story is **MUCH** better!"

L sat down in his peculiar way. "Alright then, let's hear it."

Mello took out his own book. The sight of it frightened those still awake.

"Mello..." one of them said, "...you can't read that book... It's way too scary..."

"What do you mean?" Mello looked at the cover of the book and read it aloud. "'What To Expect When You're Expecting'. It's a classic!"

"But have you seen the pictures??" Another one stared, wide-eyed. "There are aliens that kinda look like humans, and red babies, and blood, and..."

L had to step in. "Alright, by show of hands, who doesn't want to listen to Mello's story?" Every boy, besides Mello, raised his hand. Even Matt took time away from his video game to raise his. L smirked.

Mello grumbled, "Fine then, but Near is up next."

Near didn't give a warning. He didn't present himself or the book, he just started reading. "January 4th. I saw him combing his hair today. He messed it up as usual, though. No one understands why. But I do. My L-iet is such a fascinating individual."

Near turned the page. "January 19th. It's been a while since I've seen my L-iet. He disappeared for days, and I never got the chance to look for him. The other girls laughed at me. They didn't understand. I wouldn't expect them to. Undying love doesn't hit most girls until they're seven and a half. I'm an early bloomer at seven."

"January 26th. It's getting close to Matthew's birthday. All the girls love him. But I don't. They can go ahead and watch him play video games all they want, it won't make him notice them." Matt didn't even raise his head at this comment. "My L-iet notices me. I'm sure of it. And I'm gonna prove it by the end of next month." Near closed the book.

L raised an eyebrow. "Am I the only one that feels a little creeped out...?"

Mello laughed hysterically, although his laughing didn't wake up any of the sleeping boys. "Where did you get that book, Near? It's pure mushy gold!"

Near scratched his head. "I found it at the bottom of the toy chest."

L took the book from him. "Hmm... it appears to be a diary... though..." he flipped through the pages, "I can't seem to find an author anywhere. Only the initials C. M. L." He closed the book. "I suggest we go through all the girls and see if any of their initials fit the bill."

Michael clapped his hands. (But no one noticed. Because no one cares about him. Except for Mello. Sort of.). Near tried to object, but it wasn't his problem, so he just let L continue.

And so, L snuck off to Wammy's office. For some reason, he managed to get in with no "security breaches". He grabbed the girls' roster and followed down the list. To his dismay, not a single girl had the initials C.L., or C.M.L. either. Michael helped him go through the list. Actually, he didn't really do anything. He just watched. L pondered different possibilities. "Perhaps C.M.L. is a pneumonic device... It looks like it could be short for caramel, but Wammy hasn't allowed caramel in the house since "The Great Sticky" three years ago... Could it be short for Camel? Maybe she was a smoker..." (L is kidding. We're talking about a seven-year-old here. Seven-year-olds don't smoke. L does not advocate smoking. He believes you should "Be Cool, Stay In School!" and all that as well.)

Michael said something. But it wasn't important. So the author decided to cut it out. The author did, however, put in this sentence pointing out the cut.

"Forget it, L." Matt tried to help, although he still found reaching the next level in Kirby's Dream Land® more important. "I think you'd have better luck getting a boy to like you."

That's when it hit him. L looked over at the boy sitting next to him. What was his name...? Oh yes, Michael. But was that his REAL name? Wasn't it something like...

"Christopher Mitchell Larson!" L pointed at him.

Mello whispered, "Wait, his name was Mitchell...? Then we don't have similar names!"

The boy looked up at L. "You... You noticed me!" He danced around. "I win!" All the dancing made his hat fall off, revealing that Micha... I mean Mitchell(?) was indeed a girl. Her beautiful long hair fell out of the hat.

L was confused. "So wait... Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"

"I'm a girl! My name's (no one was listening, but we believe the name started with a C...)."

L looked over his list again. "I didn't see those initials on the list though..."

She took the list from him. She honestly wasn't on it. Even Watari didn't notice her enough to put her name on it. "Well... I don't see me either... But it doesn't matter! You noticed me!"

By this point, L had worn himself out so much that he fell asleep during her long(?) monologue. All the other boys had fallen asleep as well. The girl sighed, took her diary from Near and wrote something in it. _I'm so glad I'm getting adopted tomorrow..._

And with that, she was never heard from again.

Wait...

Who were we talking about again?

* * *

**A/N**: For those of you who don't know, "What To Expect When You're Expecting" is a book for soon-to-be mothers. I don't own rights to that book or to Kirby's Dream Land.


	5. I Believe You

**A/N:** I do not own the rights to Transformers.

**Incident Five: I Believe You**

Near had always been a slave to his toys. He frequently set up domino chains, card castles, he even played house (or at least Mello said so). These chunks of plastic would be his downfall.

"Optimus Prime, you must go and defeat Megatron!" Near made "swoosh" noises.

_I don't feel like defeating evil today, Near..._ Optimus Prime talked back to him, _I have some plans... Would you mind helping me with them?_

Near was surprised that Optimus Prime was talking, but deep down, he always knew he could. "That would be very entertaining... What do we do first?"

Optimus's eyes glowed yellow. _First, we must demolish L's sugar cube tower in the dining room._

Near scratched his head. "Why do we have to do that?"

_Watari doesn't like the space it's taking up. If L leaves it up one more day, he'll be put in time out. Don't you believe me Near? Don't you believe the one who's always been beside you? Through good times and bad? In the bathtub, in bed, I've always been there for you... Don't you want to help me Near? Please say you don't think I'm a liar...._

Near nodded quickly. "I believe you, I believe you, Optimus Prime!"

Near took Optimus with him to the dining room. L's sugar cube tower must have been four feet tall. To continue working on it, L would have had to stand on the table. Near looked from side to side. No one appeared to be coming. He used Optimus's hand to swipe out the bottom level. A scene that Near was all too familiar with followed: falling blocks. The sugar cubes fell down, with the lot of them causing a loud "tink" noise.

Unfortunately, L had been walking by and came just in time to witness the demolition of his pride and joy, the product of at least 97 straight hours' worth of time. "Neeeeeaaar!!" L dropped to his knees and cursed the sky. "Whyyyy???"

Near took Optimus and ran away... fast.

L shrugged his shoulders. "Time to begin a new tower, I suppose..."

* * *

_Bwahahahaha... Wasn't that fun, Near? Did you see L? He looked like he was about to cry!_

Near shook his head. "L is my friend... I still don't understand-"

_The next task, Near. _Optimus interrupted. _You must delete all of Matt's game saves..._

Near was astonished. "Why? What harm could his game saves possibly cause?"

_Don't you believe me, Near? Can't you trust that the words I say are good? Would you go against our years of brothership? _Actually, Near had just met Optimus when he arrived at Wammy House.

Near shook his head again. "N-No Optimus! I believe you!"

Matt had gotten so bored that even video games couldn't entertain him. He was taking a nap in his bed. Near tiptoed over to where Matt was sleeping and carefully reached for the GameBoy...

"zzz...Do a barrel roll....zzz... All your base are... belong to us... zzz... almost Jill sandwich... Thank you.... but princess.... in... another.... castle..... zzzzz....." Matt was lost in his thoughts of extreme video gaming.

Near quickly grabbed it and ran off to the cold, dark, lonely corner. Even Optimus Prime couldn't make the corner less depressing. But enough about the corner. Near went through all the saves on Kirby's Dream Land and deleted them. Quietly and sneakily, Near placed the game back with Matt where he lay. After that, he waited out the door for Matt to wake up. It took a very long time, so eventually, Near just left.

"Matt is going to be very angry, Optimus..." Near talked to his action figure.

_Yes, yes. But it is for the best. _Optimus Prime's eyes glowed red now. _Now, I'm going to have to ask you to take away Mello's hairbrush_.

Near shuddered. "I really don't want to see what Mello looks like without the use of a hairbrush."

Optimus Prime sounded like he was about to cry. _Well I do... Don't you want to see my dream accomplished? Don't you think this would be fun? Don't you believe me?_

Near sighed. "I believe you, Optimus... I'll do it for you..."

Mello wasn't anywhere in sight, so it was easy for Near to just remove the brush from the bathroom and be on his way. Unfortunately for Mello, who had just finished jumping on the trampoline outside. Of course, his hair was all static-y. "Where is my brush? I swear, if someone took it..." Sadly, the static didn't look good on him. Mello had a gigantic, blond, afro. "Where is my brush??" Keep in mind that the bathroom was shared by everyone, boys and girls. At that moment, a group of girls entered the bathroom, but they threw fits of laughter and had to leave. Mello clenched his fists. "I'll get whoever did this..."

* * *

Near was already on to his next task. Optimus Prime had convinced him to dunk Watari's slippers in the toilet bowl of Watari's private bathroom. He looked innocently down at the red fuzzy slippers. Did they deserve to get wet? Maybe Optimus Prime was wrong... No! Optimus was always right! Near believed him! He closed his eyes as he brought the slippers closer to the water.

"Near!" Watari stopped him. "What are you doing with my expensive, German slippers?" It was a generality, but Watari is believed to like Germans.

Near slumped his shoulders and handed the slippers to Watari. "Optimus Prime has been telling me to do bad things..."

_Near! What are you doing? You can't turn me in! We're-_

Watari took the action figure away. "Hmm... Well, I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to have this toy anymore. There's been a callback on them. Why don't we take you to the toy store so you can pick out a new favorite toy?"

Near's eyes grew wide. "Would you really do that for me, Watari? After I've been so bad?"

Watari smiled and took his hand. "Yes, Near. We can leave right now."

**To Be Continued In Incident Six: Lost In Toyland! **

* * *

**A/N:** In case you didn't know, what Matt was mumbling in his sleep were quotes from some old time video games:

"Do a barrel roll!" -Star Fox 64

"All your base are belong to us." -Zero Wing

"You were almost a Jill sandwich!" -Resident Evil 2

"Thank you, Mario! But our princess is in another castle!" -Super Mario Bros.


	6. Lost In Toyland

**Incident Six: Lost In Toyland**

"Toy store, toy store!" Near was excited. He hadn't been shopping since he moved into Wammy House. He was riding in the car with Watari.

* * *

Near went crazy just seeing the outside and walking in the door, but Watari had to ruin his fun.

"I'll be right back, Near. I have to use the restroom. Stay put." Watari pushed the door open and went inside.

Near sighed and waited outside the bathroom on a bench. He couldn't sit still. The action figure isle was calling him. He stumbled over to it, hypnotized, all the way to the other side of the store. He could hear the voices coaxing him.

"Buy me!"

"Pick me!"

"I'm the best!"

Near's eyes sparkled. "I'll play with every single one of you!" And he did. The experience was exhilarating. However, the cries of the desperate action figures got very annoying, so Near decided to try the next isle.

Barbie dolls gossiped with the Bratz dolls. "Do these clothes make my butt, like, look big?"

Near was scared. "What is this evil treachery?" He let out a yelp. A group of boys wearing tattered clothes picked him up and brought him back to their home in the playfort isle.

* * *

Watari finally finished his business in the bathroom, but when he left, he couldn't find Near. Frantic, he decided to ask a clerk to page him. "I can't find the child I came in with! Could you page 'Near'?"

The clerk chuckled. "Could you repeat that? What was his name?"

"Near! His name is Near!"

The clerk started laughing. "Okay, so let me get this straight, you want me to tell the store 'We can't find Near'," he laughed harder, "'We're far-sighted!!'"

Watari sighed. "Can I just speak with your manager?"

The manager came out. "Gracias! ¿Necesitas ayuda?"

Watari was confused. He was very intelligent. Unfortunately he wasn't fluent in Spanish. He barely had a good enough understanding to get by. "Uh… Sí, but habla only en ingles." His Spanish was actually quite horrible.

The manager laughed. "Oh, I kid, I kid, I understand English quite well. Your Spanish is very rusty though."

Watari sighed. "I don't have time for chitchat. My companion is lost in the store! Your clerk here won't page him; he keeps laughing at his name. Now please, could you do it perhaps instead?"

The manager nodded.

* * *

"Hey, kid, you okay?" One of the boys that saved Near sat next to him.

"Yeah… I'm fine…" He felt his head.

"Well, good, you should go find who you came in with… before you turn into one of us…"

Near watched all of them. The boys looked miserable.

The leader (apparently) said, "We are the Toy Boys (not to be confused with Boy Toys). We are all boys that have been left alone in this store… Our parents never came back for us… We have to fend for ourselves all alone in this store here… It was fun at first; what kid wouldn't want to get lost in a toy store? But… It got worse… None of us would like more than to see our parents again… Do you really want to become one of us?"

_Paging Near, please come to register three. Your party is waiting. Paging Near._

Near smiled. "Well, it looks like I won't have to… But you know, you guys could probably all come back with me! The guy I cam in with, his name is Watari. He owns an orphanage. I'm sure he has space for you! He can even probably help you find your parents!"

The Toy Boys got excited and followed Near to the front of the store. On the way there, they passed a book isle. "You know, I should get one of these… They don't talk to me." Near picked one out. It was a manga entitled "Death note". He hoped that Watari would let him have it despite its rating. He ran over to him.

"Near! I was worried about you! Why didn't you wait like I asked?"

Near looked down. "I'm sorry… But I found a bunch of boys that are orphans that would like to come with us back to Wammy House! And I also picked something out!"

Watari smiled warmly at the boys and then looked at the book. "Well… If you'd rather get a book than a toy, I suppose it's alright." The manager even let them have it for free because of the way the clerk acted. Watari, Near, and the Toy Boys headed home.

* * *

Matt finally woke up. He reached for his GameBoy. "Huh… All the saves are gone… Well it's a good thing I have backups then." Matt copied all his game data over.

Mello took hours to get his hair back to normal. He was still very angry.

L already had a great tower going.

All the boys would have to make room for the six new boys… And Near's new book.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry it was so short!


	7. Better Fresh

**A/N:** Well guys, Happy Thanksgiving! And to celebrate, here's a Thanksgiving chapter! Enjoy!

**Incident Seven: Better Fresh**

Mello just stared at it. He'd never seen a live one before. "Is this… a turkey?"

L nodded. "Watari buys one every year for Thanksgiving."

Mello's eyes got wide. "You mean… He buys a fresh turkey? To KILL and EAT??"

L thought a moment. "I dunno… But the turkey always disappears before the next day."

Mello and Near both gasped. When they lived in the same apartment complex, their parents would always have Thanksgiving together. They knew EXACTLY what you did with a turkey. The Wammy boys, however, were very oblivious. They always had a very scrumptious Thanksgiving dinner, and they always had turkey, but it never occurred to them that the turkey they ate was the same one Watari had been buying.

Just now, L finally got it. "We have to save this turkey! We can't let Watari have it this year!!" Matt wasn't really listening, he was busy playing World of Warcraft. They were having a special Thanksgiving festival. The other three boys, however, grabbed the turkey and brought him down into the safeness of SPK headquarters.

"Wow, sir! Check out that turkey, sir! Is that Watari's annual turkey, sir?" They boy, Spark, was keeping a very watchful eye on the computer screen. Usually, the girls planned something evil to do on Thanksgiving.

Mello pet the turkey. "Yes… This is the turkey… I'm naming him… Eduardo…" The other boys didn't see a reason to argue with the name. They didn't really care. Mello placed a red bowtie on Eduardo, along with a pilgrim-like hat. He was dressed quite festively now.

L put his hand on Spark's shoulder. "We need to keep… Eduardo… Here in SPK headquarters. Otherwise, Watari may end up slaughtering another one!"

Spark was puzzled, but he agreed to let the turkey stay in what was essentially "his" lab.

Mello went off to find Eduardo some food, Near went to keep an eye on Watari, and L went to go make sure that his sugar cube tower was, and would remain, safe.

* * *

Hours passed, and the turkey grew restless. He gobbled very loudly, in a way that frightened Spark. Spark wouldn't dare turn around. Eduardo paced back and forth, back and forth… He couldn't take any more of this. He chewed his way through several of the SPK's important cords.

Finally, Spark looked back to check on Eduardo. He was scared out of his mind. Eduardo glared into his eyes, showing intent to harm. Spark yelled and, avoiding the turkey poo that littered the lab, raced out of SPK headquarters. So frightened, was he, that he forgot to close the lab door behind him. Quite simply, the turkey escaped.

"L, sir! Eduardo is scaring me, sir! He looked at me evilly, sir! He wants to kill me, sir! He chewed through all of our cords, sir! He got turkey droppings and feathers all over the lab, sir! He even threw off his bowtie and hat in rage, sir!"

Mello overheard the bowtie/hat comment. He was very disheartened. Together, L, Mello, and Spark went to calm the turkey. However, the turkey was no longer in the lab.

Something in Mello snapped. "He's going to die! My poor Eduardo is going to die! Someone needs to save him! We need to find out where he went!"

Their first stop was Watari's room. According to Near, "Watari hasn't moved an inch all day. He's been busy watching all the Thanksgiving specials, not to mention football. So, if you don't mind, I'm a little into this game, and… TOUCHDOWN!!!"

Mello sped off to find his next target. What he discovered would haunt him forever.

"Eduardo!! Free yourself!! Don't let yourself become consumed by the girls and their awful frilly things!!"

The girls were dressing Eduardo in a pink tutu. Luna, the leader of the girls, said, "This turkey is ours, and her name is Lunita. She's the star of our Thanksgiving ballet, 'Turkey Lake'!"

Mello refused to let the girls corrupt their turkey. He stole Eduardo/Lunita from them, and started running. Unfortunately, this time, Watari was out and about.

Watari took the turkey from Mello. "You shouldn't hold him like that, he might bite you." Watari caressed the turkey gently. "Besides, we don't want him to be upset when we free him tonight…"

"Put him down, you mur-… Wait, free him? You mean, you're not going to kill him and eat him?"

Watari couldn't help but laugh. "Heavens, no! I don't know how to gut a turkey! I order caterers to do all of the Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey I buy every year, and every year I free it back into the wild where it belongs. It sort of demonstrates what I'm going to do with you 12 years from now, Mello!" He would be 18 by then.

Mello sighed a sigh of relief. He was so happy that Eduardo was going to get to go home. L chuckled at himself. "I completely forgot that Watari did that… Usually, I decide not to go. Who wants to watch a turkey run away, anyway?"

* * *

Well, Mello wanted to watch the turkey run away. All through Thanksgiving dinner, he had flashbacks about all the wonderful times they'd spent together… Walking in the park, blowing bubbles in the backyard, learning to ride a bike, eating pizza, painting toenails… Well, those things didn't happen, but Mello imagined they did. He kicked himself for imagining painting a turkey's toenails.

Mello was the only one that decided to come with Watari to watch the turkey spread his wings. Wait… Do turkeys fly?

Eduardo turned to look back at Mello. He mouthed the words 'I Love You.' Mello teared up and mouthed it back. He returned to Wammy House empty handed.

* * *

The boys were all still awake.

"I wasn't even IN the lab. None of this was my idea." Near argued.

"Well, I'm not really suited for this sort of thing." L counted himself out.

"I was scared out of my mind, sir!" Spark shivered.

It was unanimous. The boys decided that Matt would be the one to clean the lab up. How, I don't know.


	8. Chocolate Is A Band Aid

* * *

**A/N:**Wow... I apologize for taking so long to update. My internet hasn't been working properly. I can't guarantee that it'll remain reliable, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to have my new chapter up.

Also, I find it very amusing that many of my readers find Eduardo so awesome...Maybe he will show up in future stories. If my editor allows it.

**Incident Eight: Chocolate Is A Band-Aid**

Mello was very upset, to say the least. He huddled in the corner, alone. L, noticing his sadness, tried to cheer him up.

"Here, Mello. I have some extra candy. I don't feel much like chocolate today." L handed over a pure milk chocolate candy bar.

Through the tears, Mello took the chocolate bar. "T-Thanks…" After L walked away, Mello took a bite of what would be the death of him. "This….Is…HEAVENLY!!" And with that, Mello felt much better. He decided to go to his own bedroom. Unfortunately, something of discomfort lay under the pillow. Mello pulled out a picture of his family.

Thinking about the fire made Mello very depressed, and this made him start crying again. Thankfully, though, he still had some of the chocolate bar left. "I miss them…" Mello chewed the chocolate shakily.

Matt, as usual, was in his own bed playing Kirby's Dreamland. You'd think he'd have finished it by now, but that was not the case. Mello glanced over at him. The boy in the goggles made him think of the incident where Mello tried to gain a play on his GameBoy. In the end, Matt ended up yelling at Mello. Mello didn't like to be yelled at. "Matt….is mean to me…." He started getting teary eyed again and consoled himself with the chocolate bar. Of course, even the mention of his name didn't draw Matt's attention. The chocolate, however, did.

"Hey. I want some chocolate."

Something in Mello caused him to start twitching. "You can't have it!! It's MINE!!!" Mello ran off where he could get some peace and quiet: Wammy House's Local Library.

* * *

Nowhere in Wammy House was safe for Mello. The sight of all the books made Mello remember back when he offered to read his favorite story to his friends: "What To Expect When You're Expecting." They all made fun of him. Everyone always made fun of him. "Why does all of Wammy House hate me??" This question could be answered in one word: chocolate. Chocolate appeared to be Mello's answer for everything.

All day long, Mello remembered his traumatic experiences: getting an afro, losing his best friend Eduardo the Turkey, being locked in a toy chest wearing a dress and a pretty crown (that one had to be the worst)… the list goes on. However, what didn't go on and on was chocolate. Mello was forced to run back and forth between L and whatever he was doing.

* * *

After about the 7th round back to L, L refused to hand over any more chocolate. "I'm sorry, Mello, but it's for your own good. You're turning into an addict. I can't give you any more of this. Especially because I want it now." L unwrapped the tantalizing chocolate bar. It smelled different. This chocolate bar was stuffed with caramel. Slowly, L brought it to his mouth-

But he was thwarted. A desperate Mello snatched the chocolate bar from L's hand. "It's MINE!! All the chocolate will be mine!!" He looked to the sky (well, ceiling). "I'll do it for you, Eduardo…" And with that, Mello escaped to the one place he knew was safe enough: outside. The snow was falling, it was freezing, but Mello decided to go outside anyway.

* * *

Hours passed, and Mello grew even paler than Near. His leather clothing offered little protection against the cold weather in New York, where this particular Wammy House was located (It isn't really in the city, so there's lots of open space). His teeth chattered, but the chocolate made it all worth it. All the warmth he had went into melting the succulent chocolate on his tongue. However, the freezing weather made it hard to control his face, and much of the chocolate slithered out his mouth. "At least I have you, chocolate... I love you chocolate..."

Imagine Eduardo, who had came back to check on his "best friend", standing alone in the cold watching his *cough*lover*cough* hold somebody else. Immediately, he flew into rage and hopped the fence. Eduardo took the chocolate in his mouth. A lone tear escaped his eye as if to say "I'm only doing it for **US **Mello...".

Whether it was for their relationship or not, Mello's recent surge in the love of chocolate overcame ahis feelings for his friend. "You stupid turkey... Give... me.... chocolate....." Mello had not the strength to continue on. His eyes closed.

* * *

It was only about 15 minutes later before Watari found him. He brought Mello inside and wrapped him in a blanket. He gathered the Wammy boys. "Anyone care to explain to me why Mello is half frozen to death and covered in turkey droppings and chocolate?"

Matt shook his head. "Nuh uh, but I'm not cleaning it up this time!" His jaw dropped. "Wait, is that **MY** blanket??"

It was Matt's yelling that made Mello come to. He opened his eyes, traumatized to discover that he was covered in Eduardo's gifts.

Watari calmed him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Here, Mello. I know it won't compensate for all you've been through, but..." He opened a chocolate bar for him.

Mello smiled. Today, he had learned a very important lesson. Chocolate is a band-aid. From that day forth, he was never seen without a chocolate bar.


	9. WWII: Wammy War Two

**A/N:** So, here's the second Wammy War chapter. I don't think you'll have to read WWI for this chapter to make sense, but go ahead and read it if you have some extra time~!

**Incident Nine: WWII: Bathroom Renovations**

It was the first time in a long while that Watari called a house meeting. All of Wammy's House's inhabitants believed that this was something big. Well, except for Matt, who never even noticed they HAD house meetings. He was way too busy playing his video games to pay attention to anything.

"So, children…" Watari began, "…I believe we have been living in the same house for far too long. It's time for a change."

L's eyes grew full of tears. "Don't tell me we're moving!"

Watari laughed. "No, I was thinking of something a little less extreme. I was planning house renovations. The first room to be adjusted will be the bathroom. Right now, it seems a little plain, don't you think?" The boys had no idea what he was talking about. It seemed fine to them. The girls, however, completely agreed.

"The seats are always cold!" One of them yelled. "It upsets my fanny!" The other girls nodded in agreement.

"Well…" Watari held up his plan for the "new" and "improved" bathroom. "This is what I intend the end result to be like."

The boys nearly fainted (well, except Matt, but you know why… I hope. You have been reading, haven't you?). The bathroom was to be girl-ified. Instead of the standard three urinals, three stalls, there would now be six stalls, not a single urinal. The stalls would be purple; the new sinks would be clear and filled with scented soap; the floor tile would be, well, lavender. Most of the boys said purple, but the girls quickly corrected them. There was a difference between purple and lavender (apparently). "We can **NOT** allow this to happen," L mumbled, inciting the other boys. The girls, however, being polar opposites of the boys, were determined to do everything in their power to make sure this plan went as…planned.

"Watari!" One of the boys raised his hand. "How are we supposed to pee?"

Watari's face got red. "Well, I hope I don't have to go back and potty-train you because of bathroom adjustments…" The boy sighed.

"Very well, you are dismissed. I will begin working on this issue straight away, we'll most likely begin building in three days." Watari released the children.

The Wammy Boys crowded around L. L was motioning everything he said with his hands. "Alright, here are the three plans I've come up with: 1. We interfere with the delivery and/or order of Watari's supplies. Without supplies, he cannot renovate the bathroom and we remain victorious. 2. We express to Watari our views on the subject. Hearing the complaints of half of the house's inhabitants, he will have no choice but to call off the renovations. He still might, however, choose to continue with them, and that is when we turn to our final scheme… 3. Get the girls to disagree with the renovations by whatever means possible. This is, of course, or last resort. I would prefer not to half to use this tactic as the girls are slimy, slimier than the bathroom floors of present."

The boys began their work straight away.

* * *

_**Plan 1. Interfere with the supplies**_

When Watari rose from the dining room table to use the facilities, the boys ravaged his papers. At long last, they found the order form for the supplies.

"There, now all we have to do is…" L scanned the paper for a check-off box. "Move on to our next plan… This is the receipt. Watari has already order the supplies, and there isn't much we can change anymore."

They all sighed in unison.

* * *

**_Plan 2. Speak with Watari_**

The boys waited and waited for Watari to emerge from the bathroom. Alas, he never did...

"What is he doing in there, anyway?" Mello folded his arms and tapped his foot.

Matt thought back on all of his bathroom experiences. He always took forever in the bathroom, but he was always playing video games. ALWAYS. Matt's eyes grew wide and he pounded on the door. "Gimme my PSP!! I WANT it!!" He had been missing his PSP for over a year.

The boys had no idea what was going on, but this was getting them nowhere. it would appear that they had to settle this with the girls...

* * *

Luna, leader of the girls, just laughed. "Why would we want to keep the bathroom the way it is? There's definately not enough pink. And the seats are always cold. With this new design, we'll get seat warmers!"

L looked at the boys and nodded. "Well then... ATTACK, BOYS!!"

Without hesitation, the boys pounced on the girls, enlisting the sissiest (is that a word?) of tactics: hair pulling, wet willies, pinching, biting... However, none of it seemed to be working. Unbeknowest to the girls, the boys had signaled for their secret weapon...

Matt, who had avoided conflict, decided to stroll unto the battlefield nonchalantly playing his GameBoy. Immediately, the girls grew hearts for eyes.

"He's SOOOO cute~! 3" One of the girls said.

Luna made sure she was the first one over to Matt. She was, of course, queen bee. "Hiiii, Matt~! How are you feeeeeling today?"

Matt pushed the hair out of his face. "Fine, but I could be better... If you agreed to call off the renovations..." He moved his face in real close to hers, solely for the sake of dramatic effect, of course..."

Luna snapped her fingers. "Of course! Girls, we're off to speak to Watari!"

* * *

And so, the girls and boys spoke to Watari (hours later, after he emerged from the bathroom). Seeing the dismayal of his inhabitants, he decided to call off the renovations... For now anyway.

The girls still weren't any closer to getting Matt.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry guys, still having internet problems. I'm working on new chapters whenever I have free time in school.


	10. The Germophobe

**A/N**: I apologize for all the typos. I usually write the story then upload it before it's finished and work on it (because I used to be able to work on it at home), and that emits letters sometimes. Also, as I'm writing in school, sometimes I rush to get a sentence done before the end of class and I don't have time to double check things. I know that's no excuse, but… Again, sorry for the wait. With me only being able to work at school and all and Christmas break… Anyway, I think I'll be able to work on the next chapters at home.

**Incident Ten: The Germophobe**

The boy shivered. "It's so… dirty here…" He stretched his large latex gloves over his hands.

"Well, I hope you enjoy your stay here nonetheless, Yancy Clyde." Watari patted his shoulder and shooed him off to the other boys.

Watari's nephew was in town, as was his sister, but his sister had important business to attend to. This left Yancy Clyde (don't ask me who names their child that) in Watari's care for the afternoon. Yancy Clyde and his mother lived in a glorious mansion, and Yancy was, shall I say, a bit overly hygienic. He took seven baths a day, refused to use public restrooms, never ate at restaurants, wore latex gloves (except for when taking his baths, that would make the gloves unhygienic) and he never, I repeat NEVER, hung out with boys his age. They were way too dirty for his tastes. Now, however, poor Yancy had been flung into a social situation headfirst.

Heading off to wash his hands (he felt soiled just walking through the house), he of course had to pass by who else then the boy with horrible eating habits. L was scarfing down his most recent concoction: "Gummi Bears Prancing through the Marshmallow Ridden Fields of Vanillaicecreamtopia." Needless to say, there would definitely be a sticky residue left all over when the food (could you even call it that anymore?) was all gone.

Yancy Clyde gasped. "Drop the spoon, preferably unto a disinfecting wipe, now!! Stop riddling the table with your adhesive sugary worthlessness!!" He was shaking as he yelled with all the strength in his body.

L just laughed. "Worthlessness? I can understand the sugary, but WORTHLESSNESS? No no, small child, any delectable treat such as this could never hold no worth. Especially when you," L readied himself, "eat it!"

Before he could witness the horrifying sloppy eating, Yancy Clyde ran off down the hall, as fast as his tiny, paper-thin legs could carry him. He ran so far through the house that he got lost. The only ones he could find (well, they actually found him) were girls. Nice, clean, albeit frilly girls. They for some reason thought he was a girl as well.

"You look like a clean bunch of citizens… I'm Yancy Clyde…" He stated, out of breath.

"Nice to meet you, Nancy, now come with us to our tea party!" The girls lured him in with their promises of refinement. Yancy was too relieved to realize that they called him Nancy.

* * *

They brought him to their sickeningly pink room and sat him in a chair next to a blonde boy, who happened to be tied up and dressed to the occasion.

"STUPID GIRLS!! LEMME GO!!" Mello flailed helplessly. "My friends WILL find me, and you'll be going down!!"

Luna, leader of the girls, laughed. "Oh, poor baby… Is it really that bad to be cultured and drink tea?"

"Nope!" Yancy was in heaven. He took a sip of the tea in front of him.

Suddenly, Near broke through the door (L couldn't be bothered to help anyone; he was much too busy with his…uh…snack.). "How many times must I have to rescue you while you're wearing a dress?"

Mello growled. "It's not my fault! Now help me!" Near sighed and started to untie Mello.

Luna gasped. "What are you doing?? You can't do that!!"

Near sighed. "Well why not?"

"Uh… because I said so!"

It didn't seem to phase Near much. He rescued his "buddy", of course, he was snickering the whole time. Yancy Clyde, however, stayed with the girls.

* * *

When it was time for him to be picked up, Yancy was nowhere in sight.

His mother was furious. "Watari!! What did you do with my son?? What kind of orphanage are you running here??" Watari, amidst his sibling's ranting, was able to slip out the door and into the living room. He confronted the boys. "Alright, if you help me find my nephew, I promise I'll take everyone on a field trip, but it has to be quickly… I don't know how much longer I can hold my sister off…"

The boys gladly agreed. They gathered in SPK Headquarters. "Alright, sir! We need to find this kid, sir! The name for this mission will be called Operation: Germophobe, sir! Thanks go to L for naming it, sir!"

L pointed at a floor map of Wammy House. "Here's the plan. I last saw the target running through this corridor, and no one has seen him since."

Mello raised his hand. "Uh… actually…"

"I SAID NO ONE!!" L refused to be wrong. "Now, he's a scrawny boy, and I doubt he got much further after all the running he had been doing. Mello and Matt: You take this hall. Near and I will take this hall. As for the rest of you, well, I don't think it will matter much. Dismissed!"

* * *

Matt wasn't contributing to his "group" much. He was busy playing his newest game: Phoenix Wright.

Mello tried to rile him up. "Come on! We have to find him! Don't you want a field trip? I mean, we've been locked up inside this house forever…"

"Actually, I couldn't care less," Matt stated. He paused for a second. "Do you hear someone whimpering?"

The boys had been walking right by the toy room. Mello rushed inside and opened the toy chest. Inside was Yancy, wearing a dress and lipstick, in an incident reminiscent to what happened to Mello long ago…

Yancy Clyde burst into tears. "Get me out of here! There's dust and mold and bacteria everywhere!" Mello happily obliged and returned him to SPK Headquarters, then to Watari and his sister.

"Oh Yancy! I missed you so! I'm never letting you leave my side again!" Watari's sister hugged her son.

Yancy bawled. "I'm gonna go home and take like seven baths!"

It had been a long day, but the boys had another interesting day soon to come… one that included a field trip.


	11. Field Trip Sequence! The Zoo

**Incident Eleven: Field Trip Sequence! The Zoo**

L filled a backpack full of candy. He was preparing for all the walking he'd be doing later. Who knows when hunger might strike....

"We're going to-" Mello started.

"The zoo, sir!" Spark finished.

"It's gonna be-" Mello started again.

"Fun, sir!" Spark chimed in.

Needless to say, all of the boys were excited for a field trip to the local zoo. Well, except Matt, but he didn't care about much other than electronics anyways.

"Alright, boys, here's the deal… I'm going to take you to the zoo, but I want you all to behave, or there will be NO MORE field trips. And I mean EVER. I'll be waiting in the gazebo, since I've never been too fond of walking. Have fun, but try not to go anywhere alone." No one seemed to be listening, but Watari was satisfied enough. They all piled into a small bus he had rented and rode off to the zoo.

* * *

"I'm gonna go see the monkeys, and then the zebras, and then the hippopotamuses! And then-"

"Mello, shut up! We don't really care! I swear, if you don't stop being annoying I'm going to snap and throw you out the window!!" This comment came from a boy named Flippy. Well, they called him Flippy for obvious reasons, but his real name was Aoi.

Watari paid their entrance fees and then made the biggest mistake of the day: he set them free to wander on their own.

* * *

L traveled to see intelligent life. His first stop was the dolphins. "Hmm…" He sat in his peculiar way and stared at them. A dolphin, as if telepathically, stared back at him and administered a message straight into his mind. _Get out, now. I know what you're thinking._

L thought really hard at the dolphin. _Oh yeah?_

_I also know your real name. You thought no one did, but I can read it through the depths of your mind… It's-_

L turned around and covered his ears. "No, no! I'm L! I always will be L!" He ran off to the next animal on his list, the chimpanzee.

* * *

Mello's stop was a little different. Instead of chimpanzees, he went to see the baboons—they were still monkeys. "Look at them with their cute red butts!" Ever since his run-in with a life altering turkey, Mello had a newfound respect for animals. Everything made him excited.

The baboon didn't like the blond boy staring at him. He howled angrily. When that didn't chase Mello off, he threw his fecal matter at the glass.

Mello was overjoyed. "They even make their own chocolate and try to shower me with it! I love this animal already!"

* * *

Matt wasn't interested in any of the animals. He just kept strolling down his path playing his Nintendo DS until he found a bench and sat down on it. It was an ideal location for a bench, being in the shade and all. Little did he know he was being watched, though the specimen would probably never reach Matt. He was slow, lazy, and "slovenly."

"Sweet! I win the case!" Matt congratulated himself and continued playing.

"Nraaaaghhrrrlll…." The creature tried to say something to him.

"What… was that??" Matt (for the first time in his life) put his game down and started looking around for the creepy animal.

It lazily continued toward him, being the sloth that it was. Matt was fixated on it. It was (again) lazy like he was, and its fur was a brilliant red, his favorite color. He now had something else to focus on—becoming best friends with the sloth.

* * *

Near twirled his hair and watched the fish. He wasn't interested in anything really SPECIAL… Just the fish. Meanwhile, a shark was inching closer towards the objects of his affection. As if out of nowhere, the shark ate the fish (don't ask why Near was observing the fish that were in the shark tank) and sped off. "You… you murderer!!"

* * *

Of course Aoi (aka Flippy) had to have his fun too. The locks on all the exhibit fencing weren't exactly child-safe. He went around to all of them, unlocking every single cage in the enormous zoo. It wasn't long before the animals started rampaging about.

Mello got to see his dreams come true. Every animal in the zoo (minus the swimming ones, Aoi opened their tank lids but none of them seemed to want to come out) stampeded about right before his eyes. After squealing with glee, he exclaimed, "Alright, I'm satisfied now. I'm going to find Watari now."

L, however wasn't as happy. The chimps he was observing managed to "mysteriously" escape, and they stole his backpack full of his sugary confectionaries. "Give me back my backpack you… JERKS!!"

Meanwhile, the sloth tried to escape, but Matt didn't even notice.

* * *

"Sir," a zoo employee woke Watari, who had been napping, "I think this belongs to you." He held Aoi (or Flippy) by the shirt collar and handed him over. "I'm sorry to say that I don't think you will ever be allowed at this zoo again. Actually, I'm quite happy to say it." He snickered.

Watari didn't even know what had happened, only that he had to get out.

After gathering the boys, they all started home after their wonderful day at the zoo. Who knows where they'd be going next!


	12. Anything You Can Do

**A/N:** Honestly, at this point, there aren't many excuses I can make for myself for not having updated in forever. I'm a busy girl. I'm sorry. This chapter features Eduardo the Turkey, from chapters 7 and 8. This also features small roles by the Toy Boys from chapter 6, Yancy Clyde from chapter 10, and Aoi/Flippy from chapter 11, you probably wouldn't need to read much about them, other than Eduardo.

**Incident Twelve: Anything You Can Do**

Mello was jogging in place, stretching, for the most part, just warming up for what was to come. Unfortunately, no one else in Wammy's House seemed to care.

Watari had declared that this week would be "Extreme Sports Competition Week", pitting the boys against each other. Of course, the girls were against each other as well, but this is a story about the Wammy Boys; who cares about the girls.

Mello scoped out his competition with his partner. "These guys are pushovers! We'll win for sure, Matt!"

Matt wasn't paying much attention. It was questionable as to whether or not he even heard Mello speaking (or the announcement of Extreme Sports Competition Week). He had his headphones on so he could play Guitar Hero: World Tour on his Nintendo DS.

L and Near were also partners. They weren't putting the least amount of training in. As L had said earlier, "We don't need to practice. As long as we use our brains, any sport Watari could throw at us includes some form of math; most often they involve trajectory. All we need to do is calculate the trajectory and we'll win any event that involves throwing, kicking, hitting, and even plain running. Matt and Mello probably wouldn't even think about using their brains in these sports."

"Important info on the enemy, sir! They seem to feel unmatched, sir!" Spark reported to his teammate, who sadly was watching Mello with heavy eyes. No one knows how Eduardo the Turkey managed to become paired up as if he had been living in Wammy's House. Even more disturbing was the fact that Spark was teammates with Eduardo, his long term rival.

* * *

The first event would be tennis, one of L's favorite pastimes.

"What's the game plan, L?" Near's skin matched his pasty Tennis uniform.

"No game plan. I'm just gonna win." L was being pretty cocky.

**Tennis Match-Ups**

(for all the characters you care about)

Eduardo/Spark vs. Aoi/Yancy Clyde

Toy Boys vs. Matt/Mello

L stared angrily at the list. "Why aren't we on it?"

Near shrugged. "They gave us a buy because you were way too good and no one wanted to play you."

Eduardo readied himself, jumping back and forth, wearing an "I Love Mello" t-shirt. Meanwhile, Aoi was yelling at Yancy. "What do you MEAN you won't play?? Loser! I hate you! I hate you and your face! God! Hate! RAGE!! (rant rant rant)" Yancy cowered in the corner of his box while The other team continued to play and Aoi continued to rant. Rant rant rant. It wasn't long before they had already gotten so far behind that Watari had already declared Spark and Eduardo the winners. But Aoi continued to yell. Spark went to congratulate Eduardo, but Eduardo bit his fingers. Spark promptly began to cry.

Next up was Matt and Mello vs. the Toy Boys. Mello was pretty angry. "Why do THEY get 6 members? It's not FAIR! They could play three games with themselves!!"

Matt corrected him, eyes still glued to the screen. "Actually, they could form three teams, which would mean that they don't really play three games."

Mello refused to listen to anything he said. "We're gonna beat you anyway."

Watari cleared his throat. "The Toy Boys have been removed from the competition. They were all adopted this morning by someone named Ryuk. He didn't give me his last name, but he looked like a very loving individual. He said they'd be very happy on his apple farm, picking the orchards. Anyway, since Matt and Mello have no competitors, they will now be forced to play against L and Near."

By this time, Matt had left the court. He was inside watching the latest World Championship Gamers competition. Mello now had no partner, and unless he found one in the next minute, there would be no match. Eduardo had wanted to step forward, but he was being ripped apart inside. His partner wouldn't let him play. This just made him want to cover Spark in fecal matter more.

Watari sighed. "Well I'm sorry Mello, but that means you're disqualified. And since none of the other scheduled participants actually showed up, there's only one match left, between Near and L, and Spark and Eduardo. A football tournament!"

Instantly, the clouds let loose with pouring rain,a s if to make the set more dramatic. Near, too lazy to change his cloths, was wearing his pure white tennis uniform. L's hair looked as if he had finally washed it. It was stringy, instead of what it usually was. The two teams lined up in a faceoff.

Eduardo had warpaint on his face(?). "Blrghughgughrl!" That meant "hike". Spark ran, but Eduardo wasn't thinking of him. He was thinking of how lonely Mello looked sitting in the stands. He threw the ball straight to him. Mello, I mean. Near tackled Eduardo, making his white outfit horrifically stained.

Mello caught the ball and looked down at Eduardo, who was smiling back at him. Mello almost puked. He dropped the ball and ran. Eduardo got upset. So upset, he tackled his own teammate, breaking his leg. What a coincidence, hm?

Watari, again, sighed. "Well, I guess we have a winner. By default, anyway. Near and L! Who apart from a tackle haven't done anything... Congratulations..."

L and Near were happy to have won, but they won absolutely nothing. No one even congratulated them. I guess I lied, they did win something... Colds. They were to be stuck inside for the next few weeks. Hooray.

Mello was still feeling sick. Why did this turkey still love him? I guess we'll never know... Especially since the turkey was just taken away by animal control for injuring a human.

Is this the end for Eduardo and Mello's relationship? Let's hope so. (Or not.)

* * *

**A/N:** I know it's short and probably nothing compared to my former chapters, but you can be happy there's another chapter up... Right? Okay, I have no idea when the next one will be up.


End file.
